Men can sometimes seem like a Rubik’s Cube. Just when we think we have them figured out, another issue always pops up. If the man in question is your husband, you know that those small issues can magnify themselves until there’s nothing but misunderstanding and confusion between the two of you. Inevitably that leads to more challenges and before you know it the two of you are emotionally disconnected and only exchange talk about the weather and the kids. Feeling as though you’ve lost the bond with your spouse is devastating. Rebuilding it can definitely be done but it begins with learning how to understand your husband and then using that knowledge to bridge those gaps between you two so you’re closer than ever before.
Take Stock of Where His Life is Right Now
Many factors can affect how a man interacts with his wife. For instance, if a man is feeling incredibly stressed at work, that’s going to bottle up inside of him to the point that he’ll withdraw from just about everything. Men are much less likely to talk about their stress levels, than we are. We’re all too happy to tell our husbands, our sisters and our friends just how stressed we are. The action of talking about it often helps to relieve some of the stress which is why you need to get your husband to talk about what he’s experiencing with you.
If he seems stressed about anything, be it work, a friendship or even the children, encourage him to talk with you. Be clear that you want him to see you as a shoulder he can lean on and someone he can honestly discuss any subject with. Don’t push him too hard to talk. Just be certain he knows that you’re available if he needs you.
Recognize that Men Fear Aging Too
Just as we women cringe when we spot our first wrinkle in the mirror, man can be just the same. A man often associates aging with a loss of dreams. If your husband had important goals he wanted to accomplish in his life and he’s nearing a milestone birthday, he may seem despondent or unhappy.
It’s very important for you to recognize that he has these feelings. You have to respect them and not try and sweep them under the rug by telling your spouse that it’s just a part of life to get older. Instead, talk with him about how much you admire everything he has accomplished in his life. Point out the qualities in him that you adore and stress those virtues that he’s developed as he’s matured. Maybe he’s more patient now than he used to be or perhaps he’s more compassionate now than when you first married. Make him see that the man he is now is even better than the man he was years ago.
Make an Effort to Spend More Time with Him
Loneliness can certainly impact everyone at different times in their lives and that’s true when it comes to your husband as well. The man may be at home physically, but where his attention? If he’s withdrawn or sits by himself most of the time that’s a clear sign that he’s feeling emotionally disconnected from you.
Jump start your connection by encouraging him to get out and do things with you. Plan a nice evening out just for the two of you or ask him to accompany you when you run to pick up some groceries. Reach for his hand when you two are walking together and give him a back rub if he’s hard an especially hard day. Anything that you can do to demonstrate to your husband that you love being with him, will impact him in a positive way.
Your husband may be feeling neglected without even realizing it. Often, when a marriage is blessed with children, those children become the focal point. Obviously children require a great deal of care and attention, but you can’t let your husband fall through the cracks.
You may also feel neglected by your husband and if that’s the case, showing him extra attention and affection can turn the tables on the marriage. As women we sometimes have to lead our husbands by the hand, through example, to show them what we need and want.
Make a determined effort to spend time just as a couple. This will help you reconnect with him and it will also help to get your husband to love you more. He needs to feel that you appreciate the man he is and that you love being with him. He’s your life partner, and once you recognize that he’s experiencing many of the same feelings you may be, it’s that much easier to work together to build a stronger bond that will not only enrich your marriage, but will make your family so much stronger and happier.
Your marriage just isn’t in the same place it once was. You adore your husband but it’s become increasingly, and painfully, obvious that his feelings have shifted. He cares for you, that much you can tell, but beyond that it seems that the love he once felt for you has disappeared into the ether. Understandably, you’re panicked. You love the man, you cherish your marriage and you can’t imagine your life without him beside you. You want to change things and get them back to the way they used to be. Although we can never truly recapture the past, you can improve on your marriage now and even possibly make it better than ever. Getting your husband to fall in love with you again is all about understanding what’s missing, filling in the blanks and reminding him why he chose to build a life with you in the first place.
Ask Your Husband What He’s Feeling
Communication is definitely on the list of things you have to conquer if you want to improve your marriage and make your husband more devoted to you. The problem lies in the fact that your husband, like most men, may not be up for a long, painful and emotional discussion centered on what he’s feeling. That’s why you have to be strategic when you approach him regarding this type of conversation. It’s best to choose a time when he’s relaxed and the stress of his day isn’t wearing on him. It’s also important that you choose a place that is quiet and where interruptions won’t be frequent.
Explain to your spouse how much you love and adore him. Talk about some of your favorite memories and empathize what an incredible life you two have built together. Make it clear to your husband that your marriage means everything to you and you’re willing to put in the time, effort and commitment needed to make it work.
Once you feel he understands that you’re focused on working with him to make the marriage better, he’ll be more likely to open up about what he’s been experiencing in terms of his emotions. Be kind, compassionate and considerate during this conversation.
Spend More Time as a Couple
Most married couples fall into a rut after children arrive. Women often view this as a positive thing as it means you’ve cemented yourself as a family and you’re working towards building a strong and secure life together. Men tend to view it in a different light. To them it may be mundane or boring. The spark is gone and it’s been replaced by rushing children to activities, balancing the mortgage and keeping work in order. This may be one of the main reasons why your husband doesn’t feel as in love with you as he once did. He’s equating the day-to-day life you two life as uneventful.
It’s important to set aside time for the two of you to reconnect as a couple. You can do this in any number of ways but the focus needs to be on spending time alone, just the two of you. Because many couples with children are already stretching the budget as far as it can possibly go, consider a babysitting exchange with other couples. You keep their children overnight one Friday or Saturday evening and they’ll do the same the following week. This way you and your husband can have the entire house to yourselves.
There’s also a benefit to getting out and planning a date, just as you used to before you two became man and wife. Maybe suggest that you share a dinner at your favorite restaurant or go to the movies to check out the latest blockbuster.
They key is to make time to get to know each other again as a couple. If you can nurture that connection again, you’ll quickly notice your husband’s feelings shifting to a much more positive place.
Focus More on Yourself as a Woman
You’re obviously not exactly the same woman you were when you and your husband met and married. That’s to be expected. You’ve blossomed into a caring wife and a considerate mother. That’s who you were meant to be, but your husband may view the change in you in a bittersweet way. He likely embraces the woman you are now and all the admirable qualities you possess but he may also miss that outgoing, determined and ambitious woman he first met.
The more interesting a woman finds herself, the more intriguing the man in her life will find her. If you’ve let go of some of your dreams in order to be there for your family, now may be the time to revisit them.
There’s an undeniable quality within a woman who is content in who she is. If you find yourself wishing your life held more meaning, it’s time for you to explore that. Show your husband that you are even more fascinating than you were when you two first met. Make him proud of you, show him how you can excel in anything you do and his love for you will be flowing over.
There is a guaranteed way to draw your husband closer and to regain the love you two once shared. You can make your marriage more satisfying and emotionally rewarding than it’s ever been before.